When my mom died fairly suddenly to cancer in 2017, my dreams became more wild, lucid, and seemingly real than ever before. After someone mentioned to me that the "first year is always the hardest", I started keeping a dream/grief journal in hopes of just making it through the next 365 days. 1 month after the first death anniversary of her passing, this zine was born. Printed in 3 colors using a risograph printer, I've taken objects and photographs that represent the woman that brought me into the world, and paired it with some entries from that journal. My mom lived a whole 40 years before I came into her life, and many details remaining wildly mysterious; thus I chose to use most memorabilia from pre-1994, when I was born. I made a small edition of only 17 and all bindings are hand sewn with gold thread. This is an incredibly personal artist's zine, and while the mystery of my own mother to me can work successfully as mysterious to an estranged viewer, it feels odd to commodify something like this, like only 1 copy was meant to exist. I did not make this for anyone but myself, but willing to share it with those who genuinely want to interact.